In hallways and classrooms of any school, you can hear the echoes of self-labeling among students. A student shrugs after a missed deadline and says, “I’m just a procrastinator; I don’t have what it takes to change.” Another, after an outburst, sighs, “I just can’t control myself when I’m angry.” A student who has just experienced social exclusion might resign themselves to a fixed identity: “I always get bullied. It’s like I’m just a good victim.”

As educators and parents, our instinct is to offer comfort, yet we need to be watchful of how self-imposed labels can become too comfortable, keeping our young people from positively managing and changing habitual coping strategies. The work of Peter Szabo (pioneer of solution-focused brief coaching), specifically his insights in Less than Zero Seconds: The Art of Retuning when Life Does not Stick to Plan, offers a hopeful shift in perspective as he explores human capacity to adapt and maintain presence of mind when faced with unwanted or difficult circumstances. Szabo focuses on ‘what works’ for individuals in the moment, as they navigate life’s challenges (both expected and unexpected) while combining solution-focused principles and strategies with mindfulness techniques. We can apply his work to teach students that they are never more than a fraction of a second away from better perspectives and choices in the moment.

Generalized comments from students, like “This is who I am…”I always…” or “I never…”, point to a sense of resolute powerlessness as they feel like passengers in their lives, driven by impulses or circumstances they feel they can’t control. Szabo’s work challenges this passive stance by introducing the concept of “retuning,” as it involves “shifting one’s internal state to align with current reality, even if that reality is undesirable.” A shift to a resourceful focus can occur in an instant (less than zero seconds), sometimes even before we have consciously processed the difficulty. It involves an intention to being personally present in the moment, noticing when we’re out of sync and choosing instead, a state of clarity and calm. It also involves practice. We all have the inherent ability to stop the clock and shift toward a more successful immediate action and outcome. How does this work in practice?

Imagine Clive, who struggles with anger and frequently resorts to fights. Usually, he feels the heat rise, explodes and later claims he “just couldn’t stop himself from physical aggression.” By making Clive aware of retuning, we can teach him to notice sensations in a micro-moment, before the explosion—the “Zero Second” mark. Instead of focusing on why he is angry or an automatic acceptance of his violent reaction, Clive is encouraged to ask himself a solution-focused question: “What is the smallest thing I can do right now to control my urge to fight?” By pausing to ask himself a positively actionable question, he has already broken the cycle of the uncontrollable impulse.

Similarly, consider Mary, who is highly stressed by a large project and feeling that she must score an A. On the day evaluations are handed out, Mary falls apart at the sight of a B-. She immediately spirals, judging herself while actively blaming the teacher. Instead, in the moment, Mary can learn to stop the unravelling response and use mindfulness techniques such as finding a visual image to help herself gain control, acknowledging feelings of overwhelm as they show up in her body, and/or taking a couple of deep breaths before acting. These types of prompts allow her to immediately retune as she asks herself such questions as, “What will be useful in this moment? What can I do right now to help myself? What is it that I really want and how can I begin to work toward this?

Parents and teachers can help to prevent repeated responses to challenging situations by gently intervening when we hear habitual self-talk and remind students that they have the ability to immediately manage challenging situations differently. We can:

  • Highlight the Exceptions: Ask, “When was a time, even for a few seconds, when you did manage to stay calm or control your impulses? How did you manage that?”
  • Teach the Pause: Encourage students to see that between a trigger and a response, there is a space. Szabo suggests that this space is where our power lives, and we can use it to make better choices.
  • Focus on Process, Not Person: Shift the conversation from who they are to what they are doing in the moment and how they may be able to help themselves.

Szabo’s work offers hope as it removes helplessness and introduces a productive, actionable stance in the moment. When we teach students this awareness, they learn to shift their thinking in the moment to confidently navigate unexpected challenges. Practising such presence of mind, helps young people to develop a more positive self-concept that speaks to resilience and agency. It helps them to embrace challenges with positivity rather than with fear or complacency.

Wishing you a great week ahead. Please feel free to reach out with any questions or comments.

Warmly,

Vicky Essebag

Resource: Less Than 0 Seconds: The Art of Re-tuning … When Life Does not Stick to Plan.  Peter Szabó Solution Surfers Publ., Hungary. 2018.

Vicky’s Website – https://relationspaces.com/

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Vicky Essebag – MEd – CPSY, OCT, OPC, CSFC – CCPC – Relational Communication Specialist. Author of Relationspaces; A Solution Focused Handbook for Parents – Founder of Relationspaces; Solution Focused Instructional Leadership, Training, Coaching and Consulting – Schools, Parents and Organizations.

 copyright 2026 Vicky Essebag. Used with permission

How does the art of Retuning support students?

Helping our young people to cope in the moment…