In my recent and exciting work with middle school students, I’ve been having conversations with them about how to notice and be mindful of their abilities, skills and interests, and how to use these productively. We’ve talked about how to dig into what matters for themselves and how to build solution focused communication skills that improve their relationships overall. During these workshops, I’ve had the pleasure of truly listening and watching these students engage in conversations that have value and add value to their life experience. As I reflect on their responses, there are two that really stand out:


The Oppositional Student

I was thankful to the teacher who flagged this student at the start of the workshop. She described him as an oppositional boy who struggled with following direction. She felt that he might not be a great candidate for this training. I kept this in mind as our time together unfolded, trying not to interfere with him or insist on his following the lesson. I was a new person after all and was aware that he might try to challenge me. On the first day, he tried demanding my attention by calling out, acting out and mocking the process. I still chose not to engage. On the second day, I noticed he was non-participatory but very quiet. Every now and again, I went to check in on him and ask him a question, as he remained absorbed in his computer. He responded briefly, yet didn’t challenge me. As I was preparing to leave, he handed me a note that read:

“I found this workshop to be relaxing. It was great to listen to what people really want and need. “

This innocent comment made all the difference for me as I noticed his resilience and just how much he had benefitted from this experience:

  • Without the expectation of having to conform, he was able to safely relax.
  • While he didn’t want to appear to actively engage, he was curious as he observed, listened, paid attention, learned from the conversations around him, learned about his peers – maybe even enjoyed the difference of this type of learning.
  • He enjoyed watching his peers take risks that were useful and that perhaps he might like to try.
  • He wanted to positively engage and communicate with me by letting me know how he genuinely felt and that he enjoyed the process.


The Invitation for More Conversation

Another student came up to me and said:

“It was so nice to be able to talk in class with the kids we know and don’t know.”

This student felt a certain sense of relief for having been given permission to engage with his classmates. He enjoyed the opportunity enough to let me know how hopeful it made him feel. While it was lovely to receive his positive feedback, I was also made aware that he felt he hadn’t been exposed enough to these types of interactions in the classroom. Not only did this student want to learn more about his friends, but he also wanted to have more opportunities to engage with peers he didn’t know. One might think that it’s easy to strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know, yet this takes a certain amount of confidence, specific skills with which to engage, and the permission to do so.


Prioritizing Communication

Communication is embedded within the curriculum as part of socio-emotional development and inclusive practices. It promotes self-confidence, a positive self-concept and belonging. Communicative skills can be developed but they don’t come naturally for everyone. Not everyone has the self-awareness, skills and comfort with communicating effectively, respectfully and with purpose.

Having been a teacher, I know that it’s not that teachers don’t want to prioritize communication in classrooms. When there are so many other expectations in the curriculum that need to be met, intentional ‘communication’ can take a back seat. Yet, when our students improve their skills for self-awareness, interaction and relationship building, they feel better, learn better and contribute to a more effective classroom climate.


Prioritizing Solution-Focused Communication

Learning skills in solution-focused communication present with opportunities for:

  • Having a productive voice.
  • Self-advocacy even in difficult circumstances.
  • Celebrating who we are, what is important to us and what we want.
  • Self-awareness around how we can use our strengths and abilities to support the way in which we communicate.
  • Noticing and appreciating others’ strengths.
  • Skills to engage in meaningful dialogue or just how to effectively have brief, informal conversations.
  • Working through challenges in relationships by understanding how we manage and cope, and what we want in these relationships.
  • Understanding how we can begin to work through what we want.
  • Helping to understand and productively explain what we’re thinking about and feeling.
  • Building community so that everyone is welcomed, respected and heard.

 

As we approach the holiday season, I encourage school leaders to think about how to embed wellbeing in schools by using intentionally communicative solution focused practices that promote productive and inclusive relationships. Let’s remember that learning is not just learning about subject content, but about uniquely understanding and celebrating ourselves and others.  As well, remember that productive conversations can be simple and informal opportunities to positively notice each other daily – in classrooms, in hallways, at meetings and throughout your day!

 

Thinking of you all and wishing you and your families a happy and safe holiday season!